Exodus has become the umbrella organisation for ‘ex-gay’ ministries globally. Not all ‘ex-gay’ ministries are the same however. Cultural differences affect the beliefs and practices of ‘ex-gay’ ministries out of the United States of America. In the US we have seen ministries such as Exodus become extremely political and often being funded by right wing conservative groups. Media campaigns have been launched, declaring that homosexuality is a choice and that 1,000’s have been converted from homosexuality to heterosexuality. These campaigns are meant to counteract efforts by the gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender (GLBT) community to end discrimination and gain equal (not special) rights.
In Australia and New Zealand ‘ex-gay’ ministries, on the most part, have focused on working with individuals with ‘unwanted’ same-sex-attraction (SSA) and those who’ve been troubled with sexual addiction or abuse. Whilst the last two issues are important ones to address, there still remains the outdated belief that homosexuality is the result of a dysfunctional upbringing, sexual abuse or lack of strong male/female role models. Because of their personal experience, some people have thought this to be true but research discredited these theories some time ago. In fact, from the stories we hear, there is great confusion in ‘ex-gay’ ministries, as they have difficulty understanding the differences between sexual orientation and sexual abuse or sexual addiction. The latter two require help, the former just needs acceptance. Hatred, denial, rejection and suppression of your true self is emotionally, psychologically and spiritually unhealthy. Hence the damaging experience many have had whilst involved in ‘ex-gay’ programs.
Unlike many of the US counterparts, a number of Australian and New Zealand ‘ex-gay’ ministries are now being honest with people who come to them for help and will state that genuine heterosexuality is not achievable for those who are same-sex-oriented. All they can hope for is a cessation of temptation through constant monitoring and lifelong accountability. A degree of ‘heterosexual functionality’ can be achieved but the gay never goes away. As one Australian ‘ex-gay’ leader put it, ‘you will always walk with a limp’
Here is the absolute truth many of us can testify to.You can be gay or lesbian, have a sense of morality and also be a person of faith. This is not self justification, but the reality for so many of us who have educated ourselves and rejected outdated notions that being homosexual means you are sick, perverted or dysfunctional.
This website has been set up to:
- dispel the ‘ex-gay myth’
- allow those who’ve attended ‘ex-gay’ programs to connect
- tell the stories of ‘ex-gays’ survivors
- stop unnecessary suffering and wasted years
Note: We always welcome an ongoing informed, intelligent, respectful dialogue with ‘ex-gay’ ministries.
Anthony Venn-Brown
anthony@freedom2b.org
16 responses so far ↓
Tomas Finnerty // October 31, 2008 at 1:14 am
Congratulations on starting this site. I wish you every success in helping people accept who they are and recover from the intensely damaging effects imposed by “ex-gay” teachings. Well done Anthony.
avb7 // October 31, 2008 at 3:19 am
thanks Tomas…..have you personally had experience in this area
Cho-Cho // November 1, 2008 at 5:35 am
“Whilst the last two issues are important ones to address, there still remains the outdated belief that homosexuality is the result of a dysfunctional upbringing, sexual abuse or lack of strong male/female role models. Because of their personal experience, some people have thought this to be true but research discredited these theories some time ago. ”
One often hears this. Personally, I think this so-called “discredited” theory is true, and I think that not only because of personal experience, but because I have gone to the trouble of reading some of the literature on the subject.
Seymour Fisher and Roger Greenberg were mainstream researchers who considered this theory at least partially supported by the evidence. Their work is cited by Joseph Nicolosi in his A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality. Kenneth Zucker is another example of a mainstream scientist who has indicated that theories like this may be at least partially correct. See eg Gender Identity Disorders and Psychosexual Problems in Children and Adolescents.
Duncan // November 1, 2008 at 6:53 am
Hi Guys
Welcome to the minefield of sexual freedom
Please give the references for your statement that “research discredited these theories some time ago”? I would love to go and check it out!
Whereas it is important for all sides of the ex-gay story to be told (and there are many!) and people to be disabused of their notions that it is easy to get over being homosexual, I feel it is equally important for people to know that it is possible to live a happy, contented life forgoing the gay lifestyle even if you have same-sex attractions. I also feel it is important to point out that people are free to act on their convictions that homosexuality is not for them, and do not have to be subjected to paternalistic efforts to “help them see the light”– not something I am accusing you of as your site is still so new…
I am sure that the shades of opinion that have evolved after decades of debating about these issues will no doubt allow for tolerance. Whereas I am ex-gay, and started out saying that homosexuality was wrong full-stop, I now have come to understand that we DO have choices to make and as long as we make informed ones, and have support in undertaking the lives that ensue, we can be freed from ideological and religious determinism that would seek to trap us in lifestyles that underwrite and support the opinions of others and justify THEIR choices– whether they be religious or pro-gay fanatics!
In short, what I am saying is this: gay and straight are not IT. Between the two are included a whole range of shades that allow for a spectrum of religious, sexual and social nuances that include the possibility of (for instance) living a heterosexual life, married with family, and not indulging homsexual desires out of CHOICE, and not as an expression of some sinister plot to subdue gays.
This could be part of the next phase in the development of a freedom that’s not limited to the (understandably) reactionary efforts of one group or another to secure their little bit of turf come hell or high water!
Blessings in your Journey!
Duncan Bouwer
avb7 // November 2, 2008 at 11:49 am
Hi cho cho…..I think the people you have quoted are very very much in the minority. Especially Nicolosi. Mainstream health professionals are in agreement on sexual orientation.
http://www.apahelpcenter.org/articles/article.php?id=31
I used to believe the theory myself based on the experience of having three sisters. I thought this is what made me gay. That was about 30 years ago now………science has done much more research. ….I’ve read much more…and finally realised that being gay didn’t actually damage me in any way…..only trying to change it.
avb7 // November 2, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Hey Duncan….nice to hear from you. it seems like you have been a journey….as we all have I guess.
I’ve moved from my homosexuality makes me a criminal and mentally ill…to God can help me overcome this evil….to being married is the only way to live….to this ssa will never go away and therefore I’m doomed …..to finally now my sexual orienation is fixed, normal and wholesome….and God is no more concerned about that than He is if i’m right or left handed….the life i live is more important.
I do however respect each individuals right to choose the life they live……and if they are gay and they choose to marry then I have to respect that decision. Personally, I’d rather live an authentic life of openess and honesty.
If I do have a problem, its the teaching that says you are somehow dysfunctional if you are same sex orientated instead of opposite sex oriented…..and that a person can change their sexual orientation.
Cho-Cho // November 2, 2008 at 8:23 pm
avb7,
The APA website doesn’t contradict any of the claims by the researchers I mentioned (Fisher, Greenberg, and Zucker). None of them think that how one relates to one’s parents is the only relevant factor, just that it’s one factor among others. That’s perfectly compatible with what the APA says.
avb7 // November 3, 2008 at 3:41 am
thanks Cho Cho.
There are other factors to consider here that I believe has discredited the home nuture theory for the cause of homosexuality.
For many of us brought up several decades ago…..the majority of fathers were distant. it was there role to be an authority figure and provider. It was the same for all my school mates……yet I’m the only one who turned out gay. I’m going to 40 year school reunion in a couple of weeks so I can check that out of course but my assumption is that I’m the only one.
Another thing to consider is that the distance of the father and the protectiveness of the mother has more to do with their reaction to a sensitive (possibly slightly feminine) male child than their parenting causing it.
Tony Nicholas // November 4, 2008 at 8:42 pm
The problem I have with the whole ex-gay things, no one discusses, how much of this exercise of choice not to practice homosexuality is a reaction to homophobia and heterosexism.
Secondly, this equation of our sexuality with lifestyle, and heterosexuality with normalcy, is a big turn off to a”respectable” dialogue!
avb7 // November 5, 2008 at 6:35 am
I think you make two good points Tony.
If people say they have ‘unwanted same sex attraction’ the question that needs to be explored is ..why is it ‘unwanted’. My sense is that it is ‘unwanted’ due to social or religious construct as well as the need for acceptance or to be ‘normal’. I know it was those things that created unnecessary stress and suffering for so many years till i finally learned to accept myself and be happy with who I am.
It takes some time for people to come to the realization that the reason I have a problem with my sexuality is because other heterosexual Christians have a problem with it. For some of us we finally realise it’s not our problem it’s theirs and no longer submit ourselves.
Those terms ‘gay/homosexual lifestyle’ are a real turn off for me as well. We know that there is no such animal. It’s stereotyping at it’s worst.
What people refer to as a ‘gay lifestyle’ is a subculture that is exists within the gay community and the heterosexual world.
Peterson Toscano // November 6, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Anthony thank you so much for the many ways you raise awareness about the Ex-Gay Movement and more importantly the stories of those who srvived it.
avb7 // November 7, 2008 at 12:56 am
thanks Peterson……that is very kind of you to pop in. You know I have the utmost respect for the work you and others are doing in the US……I’ll just continue to chip away at things here ‘down under’….hehe.
Ben Gresham // November 16, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Hey readers,
Just wanted to let everyone know that my story of the ex-gay programs and coming out in the church will be on ‘The Hack Half Hour’ on Monday November 17th at 8:30pm on ABC2.
You can watch the episode on TV or online:
http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/hackhalfhour/default.htm
Tony Nicholas // February 27, 2009 at 9:08 am
Were my comments edited? The words attributed to me, in this post are not the ones I wrote. What gives?
Tony Nicholas // February 27, 2009 at 9:10 am
Whoops! Big boo boo on my part. Ever so sorry! Those are my words. I didn’t see the date the comment was posted. ! Please forgive me..I guess the ex-gay label got me seeing red!
Once again, sorry!
avb7 // February 28, 2009 at 1:09 am
no worries Tony……I dont edit peoples comments, everyone is entitled to thier opionion……if the comments are rude, offensive or disrespectful however they may be deleted.